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*Head Thunk*
Soooo......I've moved. We have almost been in the new place for a week now. I am still not moved out of the old place. If this isn't interesting enough for all you readers out there, the day we moved Chris got a job offer from North Carolina. Hahahaha. Crap. We're waiting on word about when they need him to start. He's got six more weeks of Paramedic school (and you know four more months on that lease we just signed) before he's willing to go anywhere. I have mixed feelings about (maybe) going to North Carolina.
New place is made of awesome sauce. There is room to do things. There is counter space. My kitchen is wonderful. It has a walk in pantry. I am so sold. Of course my kitchen at the old place is all I have left to move and some closets. I am just so overwhelmed by the disaster area that my old kitchen is I don't have it in me to start on it.
LJ cut to save those who are sane from my ramblings about my irrational fear of men, and my futile and semi-wasted attempts to explain why.
Tomorrow I will be 24. Yikes. Also tomorrow I will have to attend a sexual harassment in the workplace seminar. I recently admitted that yes I am indeed petrified of men. I do not want to be alone with them so help me, I want them to leave me alone. Most of them. Not obviously any of the ones I'm actually close to. Anyway, I was just talking about this in regards to the discussions about rape that are going around online recently. I can't think of a reason why I've always felt so uncomfortable around guys, but it's pretty much been since I can remember although it has gotten tons better recently.
My mother's comment was that I've always had a fairly dark and dramatic imagination and she think I imagined something so bad when I was young-ish (between 5-10) that I just always had this irrational fear. No idea what it was, but she thinks I've freaked myself out for no reason and need to stop living in fear.
Really, I don't. I've never felt comfortable around guys and while yes, I've always been aware that they could rape me, I've never specifically been afraid of it. Safety conscious yes. Yes, if I was walking down a street and a group of guys started cat calling or anything and I was alone I would be concerned. Anyway, that's neither here nor there because after talking with my Mother and being fairly irrated that my imagination is apparently ruining my life I remembered something else.
In first grade and for a good part of second I was tormented by boys. Three of them used to chase me and my best friend Abby all around the playground. And I remember going to teachers and complaining because I didn't want to be chased around the playground. The response was "Oh they just like you, they're teasing you." Now my revelation for today is: After being told that guys show that they like you by picking on you, and you're supposed to feel flatted that they like you, why would you ever like a guy? I mean really, I see my whole avoidance problems right there. I've always been a semi pragmatic person. If I don't want to be picked on by guys then I don't want them to like me/spend time around them because that's what they do in those situations.
To be honest I can point this happening again in high school. Although, at the time it was just traumatic for me because it got looped in with social pressure and that's a whole nother rant and ramble.
This is really not the most coherent ramble ever. Sorry guys.
In other news: Puppy comes to live with me tomorrow. YES!!!!
New place is made of awesome sauce. There is room to do things. There is counter space. My kitchen is wonderful. It has a walk in pantry. I am so sold. Of course my kitchen at the old place is all I have left to move and some closets. I am just so overwhelmed by the disaster area that my old kitchen is I don't have it in me to start on it.
LJ cut to save those who are sane from my ramblings about my irrational fear of men, and my futile and semi-wasted attempts to explain why.
Tomorrow I will be 24. Yikes. Also tomorrow I will have to attend a sexual harassment in the workplace seminar. I recently admitted that yes I am indeed petrified of men. I do not want to be alone with them so help me, I want them to leave me alone. Most of them. Not obviously any of the ones I'm actually close to. Anyway, I was just talking about this in regards to the discussions about rape that are going around online recently. I can't think of a reason why I've always felt so uncomfortable around guys, but it's pretty much been since I can remember although it has gotten tons better recently.
My mother's comment was that I've always had a fairly dark and dramatic imagination and she think I imagined something so bad when I was young-ish (between 5-10) that I just always had this irrational fear. No idea what it was, but she thinks I've freaked myself out for no reason and need to stop living in fear.
Really, I don't. I've never felt comfortable around guys and while yes, I've always been aware that they could rape me, I've never specifically been afraid of it. Safety conscious yes. Yes, if I was walking down a street and a group of guys started cat calling or anything and I was alone I would be concerned. Anyway, that's neither here nor there because after talking with my Mother and being fairly irrated that my imagination is apparently ruining my life I remembered something else.
In first grade and for a good part of second I was tormented by boys. Three of them used to chase me and my best friend Abby all around the playground. And I remember going to teachers and complaining because I didn't want to be chased around the playground. The response was "Oh they just like you, they're teasing you." Now my revelation for today is: After being told that guys show that they like you by picking on you, and you're supposed to feel flatted that they like you, why would you ever like a guy? I mean really, I see my whole avoidance problems right there. I've always been a semi pragmatic person. If I don't want to be picked on by guys then I don't want them to like me/spend time around them because that's what they do in those situations.
To be honest I can point this happening again in high school. Although, at the time it was just traumatic for me because it got looped in with social pressure and that's a whole nother rant and ramble.
This is really not the most coherent ramble ever. Sorry guys.
In other news: Puppy comes to live with me tomorrow. YES!!!!