Too Much Maybe

There are so many possibilities. Things that I might half want to do, but nothing that I really want to do. I envy the people like Chris who know what they want. I still have no idea what I want. And so imaging the future is a bit scary. I know I can step into the void, and be successful enough to find something to keep me occupied, but what about something that I want to do? I have so many half formed ideas but too much fear to think that they're a reality.

Chris and I both know Fresno isn't forever, but I don't know where to go from here. I mean neither of us wants to stay, but where do we go? With times as bad as they are I am hesitant to just pick up and leave and go somewhere. I mean I didn't have a lot of luck job hunting in Fresno. This year was supposed to be about me finding a plan, but so far even things I half want to do I'm pulling away from. I didn't follow thorough on the library prison job because I didn't feel qualified. I don't know what to do, and I hate myself for sitting here and being upset about that but not actually doing anything about it. I just wish I felt called to do something.

Life in Fresno is turning to spring already. Something I find disgusting. I mean the trees are starting to grown leaves again. It's not even February yet. That's just freaking un-natural. *shudders*

BSG Friday. So someone (must get better at remember names) wrote a story where Kara was a hybrid. And I just think that's pretty darn cool. The final five may not have come out like I wanted it to, but I like the ideas of this season.